Welcome to my diary. These are entires I wrote during my own first year as a new mom. What you’re about to read is unfiltered, unedited, and perhaps a bit uncanny. But these are my raw feelings written in real-time. Everyone’s perspective and journey is different. This is mine.
Jen Glantz here.
I became a mom a month ago today.
Can you believe it? I sort of can’t.
The mind is tremendous.
It’s only been a month and I can’t really remember life without my baby.
It’s only been a month but it also feels like a decade worth of time just played out in one really long day.
I’m still recovering. I’m still trying to figure out how to tackle everything in life so that life doesn’t resemble a pile of dirty dishes.
I’ve given up trying to be the perfect person or the one who can do it all (or at least appear that way).
And because I’ve given that up, I’ve made space to enjoy the only thing in life that really matters right now: spending time with my baby - getting to know her and showing her endless amounts of love.
The question I ask myself everyday is this:
Am I still scared to be a mom?
One month in, perhaps I am more scared than ever.
About different, unusual, and unexpected things.
I promise to keep sharing those things with you here.
Ps. Know someone who would enjoy reading this?
Some quick things I loved this week:
❤️ Products that I fell in love with this week:
I’ll do a deep-dive on my baby feeding journey with you soon but I’m pumping and supplementing with formula. This is the brand that I’m in love with - because their formula mimics breast milk and uses clean ingredients. I reached out to tell them how much I really love their product and they sent me a discount code to share with my readers for 10% off: XO-JENGLANTZ10
This crib has been so good so far - plus because it’s on wheels, we roll it around the apartment to soothe the baby and also so we can keep it close to our desks when we work in the living room.
I bought more of their pumping bras and nipple cream - my favorite postpartum brand so far.
❤️I’ve been spending time spilling my thoughts on TikTok. Watch some of that fun stuff right here!
One Month as a Mom
Days before going into labor, I felt like I had to confess something to my baby. I spent months telling the world how scared I was to become a mom. I needed her to know the truth.
Every afternoon, I’d sneak out of the house and take a long walk to this spot by the river in Brooklyn. My hiding spot. The one I always ran away to before finding a million reasons to crawl back home.
I went there the day before I went into labor and spoke out loud, hoping the vibration of my voice would speak to her heart.
“It’s not that I’m scared. It’s that there’s not one word to describe all the things I feel about meeting you, loving you, having you as my baby.”
I spoke to her as the water flowed in our direction, as the cars raced over the bridge above my head, as people passed by in slow motion, silent.
On my way home, I dreamt about the day Gem and I would walk here. How I’d hold her up and show her the world, this life, that we’re living, together.
You know, one month with a newborn feels like a decade in one long, never ending day, where the clock freezes, speeds ahead, runs out of batteries.
You know, one month with a newborn makes you question everything about yourself, your life, your past, your future.
At one month with my newborn, I took her in the stroller to that spot I always ran away to.
I showed her the water, the bridge, the big sky above our heads.
"This is it. It's not everything, but it's my thing, and if you want, it could be our thing. All of it, my sweet love, could be ours."
Hey Jen, huge congratulations on your successful start with being a mum and your gorgeous little girl! I remember those first days, weeks and months like it was yesterday. I'm now nearly 11 years into parenting, and I have to say it DOES get easier! So anyone who is feeling overwhelmed and scared or lacking in confidence right now, I see you and I hear you. And you are not alone. From what I learned, everyone is winging it and all those other mums who seem to have got their shit together are feeling just as chaotic and untogether as you are. They just won't admit to it.
Parenting is the only job in the world where there is no manual or training course. Nothing prepares you for it and the responsibility feels huge. It's okay not to have all the answers and you are ALL doing a fantastic job. The early days are about surviving and getting to know each other and getting used to having a living being (or beings) depending on you 24/7. That takes time, so don't put too much pressure on yourself for anything else - you and your baby are the most important thing, the dishes and emails can wait.
And for anyone who is finding it excessively hard, I have a podcast called Blue MumDays, which is for anyone struggling with parenting. I developed PND (postpartum depression), birth trauma and postnatal anxiety after the birth of my son nearly 11 years ago. Now, fully recovered - and after doing a podcast webinar during the pandemic with Jen herself - I wanted to help other parents feel less alone and offer the reassurance that they too would recover. It's packed full of interviews with experts and people who have been there covering issues such as anxiety, hormones, parenting with ADHD, pregnancy loss and feelings of failure. The show notes are packed with links to support too. Sending hugs xx
this brought tears to my eyes <3 so relatable. thanks for sharing your journey. it will be so, so special to share these notes with your baby girl one day :)