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(Diary) You'll Feel Like This A lot
Guilt, Failure. Repeat.
Welcome to my diary. These are entires I wrote during my own pregnancy. What you’re about to read is unfiltered, unedited, and perhaps a bit uncanny. But these are my raw feelings written in real-time. Everyone’s perspective and journey is different. This is mine.
Jen Glantz here.
Last week, I lost myself in a fog of feelings.
It’s been a while since I felt so down about myself. I labeled myself, my actions, and my decisions as a mom of a 2-week old, as a failure.
Was that true?
Everyone keeps telling me that being a mom isn’t easy. But what they aren’t telling me is that part of why it’s not so easy is because of all of the pressure, emotion, and doubt the mom puts on yourself.
It’s a tough fog to be in. This week, I’m out of it, looking back thinking:
Jen Freaking Glantz…why do you put so much pressure on yourself all of the time?
Last week though, I couldn’t help but feel that way. I’ll share why below.
Ps. Know someone who would enjoy reading this?
Some quick things I loved this week:
❤️ Products that I fell in love with this week:
I splurged and bought the baby this play gym. It’s a lot of fun and there’s so many things you can do with the mat as the baby grows. Plus, somehow, it fits okay in our tiny 1-bedroom apartment…for now.
A classic book I’ve been reading the baby 3-4x this week.
I bought more of their pumping bras and nipple cream - my favorite postpartum brand so far.
❤️I’ve been spending time spilling my thoughts on TikTok. Watch some of that fun stuff right here!
You’ll Feel Like This A Lot
A friend asked me on a scale of 1-10 how I was doing and I told her the truth. At the time I was feeling like a 2.
I had been a mom for over 2-weeks. During those weeks, I felt like I was hooked up to an IV that was filled with energy drinks. I was running on adrenaline. I was trying to be all these things to all these people: a mom, a wife, an entrepreneur, a friend, a daughter, a daughter-in-law, a freaking human being.
By Sunday of the second week, I crashed, and I crashed hard. The IV felt like it was ripped out and all of a sudden, the lack of sleep, the brain with no off-button, the endless lists of things to do, the lack of energy, crawled out of my body and settled into my skin, like hives.
And that’s when I looked at myself in the mirror and I cried.
I didn’t cry because I was overwhelmed or because I didn’t like being a new mom.
I cried for one reason and one reason only.
I felt like a giant failure.
I felt like I was trying to be so many different things to so many people.
And yet, because of that, I was hardly enough to anyone.
When I started to get out of this fog, I realized I need to cut back on the person I’m trying to be so that I could be the person I want to be right now - just a mom.
This week, I’ve cut back on doing as much work as I thought I could do. I’m only operating at 25% (sometimes less).
I’ve spent less time on social media and even less time trying to respond to text messages.
I know i’m an an awesome entrepreneur and friend. But right now, I’m okay with dropping the awesome part from those titles.
When I started taking pressure off of myself to be so many things, I started to feel like I could slow down, pay attention, and enjoy this moment in my life right now, with my baby, because this time won’t last, just like the fog I was in didn’t last either.