(Diary) Week 41: There's No Backing Out
Welcome to my diary. These are entires I wrote during my own pregnancy. What youāre about to read is unfiltered, unedited, and perhaps a bit uncanny. But these are my raw feelings written in real-time. Everyoneās perspective and journey is different. This is mine.
Dear friend,
Jen Glantz here.
Last week, I welcomed in week 40 of pregnancy. I watched the babyās due date go by. I entertained daily āwhen is this baby comingā questions from family and friends.
It all got me thinking:
I really donāt know if I can actually do this.
More on that āback outā strategy below.
Some quick things I loved this week:
ā¤ļø My mom sent me this article on setting boundaries when the baby arrives. Itās something I hope Iām able to do.
ā¤ļø Products that I fell in love with this week:
-I put together a list of items that helped me get through pregnancy. Here are general items and hereās a list of the maternity clothing I bought - that I actually loved and wore.
-This cream was a lifesaver during pregnancy. I put it on my belly every night and the smell is amazing.
-In case I need formula as a back-up, this is the brand I bought to have handy.
-This swing from 4Moms is the baby item I canāt wait to use when the baby arrives. Itās all set up and ready to go!
**I made a bunch of detailed lists of all the things I bought for pregnancy, postpartum, and for the baby. Hereās where you can eyeball / share these lists with anyone who needs them**
ā¤ļøI wrote an article for TLC about why I kept my pregnancy a secret for so long.
ā¤ļøIāve been spending time spilling my thoughts on TikTok. Watch some of that fun stuff right here!
Thereās No Backing Out
Adam tells me thereās no backing out now.
And when he says those words, I take a mental trip to the last time in my life I ran for the exit doors, pushed them open, and got out of a situation that made my skin rattle with fear.
It was 7-years-ago. I was at Universal Studios with an old friend. She wanted to ride this upside down rollercoaster but Iām scared of rollercoasters, especially ones that loop you around. But I agreed to go, because I figured in the 2-hours it took us to wait for our turn on the ride, Iād find bravery.
When we made it to the front of the line, my friend sat down in her seat and they strapped her in.
It was my turn. It was go-time.
My cheeks became dewy. I CANāT DO THIS!
āYou canāt back out! Iām already strapped in. Just sit down!ā
But before I could say sorry and explain myself, I turned my back, located the exit, and ran away.
Months later, that friend stopped speaking to me. I donāt think it was because I backed out of the ride, but maybe that was part of it.
Iām good at saying yes to things that scare me. Most of the time, I show up, ride it out, and get through it.
That was the last time, in a long time, I just couldnāt.
When Adam says:
Itās too late to back out now.
I feel myself sitting down on the ride, having some stranger strap me in, feeling cold air blow across my face as the cart starts to move down the tracks, and I wonder how my body will survive being tossed around like itās one of those inflatable tubes you see outside of car dealerships.
I canāt get off this ride. I canāt hunt for an exit. I canāt climb down the stairs.
As much as Iām scared, as anxious as I feel, there is no backing out.
When the time comes, I have to exhale, I have to give in, I have to get through this.
And I will, itās just I feel like Iām back at the front of the line for that ride, and my eyes are looking for a way out, but my heart is telling me that I donāt need to find one.
Not this time, at least.
