Welcome to my diary. These are entires I wrote during my own pregnancy. What you’re about to read is unfiltered, unedited, and perhaps a bit uncanny. But these are my raw feelings written in real-time. Everyone’s perspective and journey is different. This is mine.

Subscribe now

Dear friend,

Jen Glantz here.

I’ve been a mom for 15-weeks. The brain fog is real right now for me. I literally forgot the baby’s birthday. Someone asked me and I confidently said: April 21st. Adam kindly waited until the person walked away to remind me that Gemma was born on MARCH 23RD.

As I’m writing this, I Googled: How long does postpartum brain fog last?

It said up to two years.

Fantastic. Until then, forgive me if I tell you the same story six times or forgot where I put my keys or try to convince you that Gemma’s first name is Galaxy (because it almost was).

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Some quick things I loved this week:

❤️ Products that I fell in love with this week:

• I bought this teether and it’s a big hit

• I honestly buy all my baby’s clothes from Old Navy

• I put these all over the house and grab them every few minutes (or so it seems)

• Heres’s a list of my fav things from Amazon

❤️ Articles that might be helpful:

• What not to say to friend who just had a baby

• A review of the popular diaper brands and which one I loved the most

• The mistakes I made as a new mom that I learned from

• Essential items I wish I had postpartum

• A review of the most popular strollers and the one I liked the best

Ps. Know someone who would adore this newsletter or who needs honest advice during their pregnancy or postpartum journey?

Share Scared to Be a Mom

The Stuff Nobody Shares About Being a Mom

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✨When you find a new way to make your baby laugh, your heart swells. It aches. I’ve accomplished big things in my life. None have ever felt as extraordinary as making my baby smile.

👱🏻‍♀️The postpartum journey is an invisible and lonely one. It can be quite brutal. People rarely talk about this and it’s partly because of shame and partly because it’s exhausting.

💤 Everyone tries to scare you and say when you have a baby you’ll never sleep again. You will. Eventually. Just wait.

✨Everyone tells you that having a baby changes your life and nothing will ever be the same. That’s true. I spent a lot of time during my pregnancy mourning who I was. It was all preparing me to welcome in who I was about to become. I sometimes miss my old life but postpartum brain fog (which is reallly strong) has made me forget so much and has helped me fall in love with this new era of my life.

💪🏽Workouts, intensely honest conversations with friends, support from Adam, knowing that so much of what mom influencers post on social media isn’t the norm, and forgiveness / limiting self-judgement is what’s helped me get through the last 3 and 1/2 months of being a new mom.

🛠️Everything about being a new mom is messy because it’s rushed. You pause YOU to be on for the baby. My hair is always tangled. My clothes are always stained. I’ve become so good at eating, showering, peeing, cleaning faster than I ever have. I feel like I’m Olympic speed skating through parts of my life.

🎤The most fun I have with Gems isn’t reading her books or playing with toys, it’s telling her real life stories and signing made up songs. I feel like I’ve known her forever and I want her to know me — everything: who I was, who I am, and who I will become.

Leave a comment

Welcome to my diary. These are entires I wrote during my own pregnancy. What you’re about to read is unfiltered, unedited, and perhaps a bit uncanny. But these are my raw feelings written in real-time. Everyone’s perspective and journey is different. This is mine.

Subscribe now

Dear friend,

Jen Glantz here.

I looked at my baby the other day and said: HOW DID YOU EVER LIVE INSIDE OF MY STOMACH?

Postpartum brain and hormones make you feel silly things.

I can hardly remember what it felt like to be pregnant.

I mostly can’t wrap my head around how my body grew a baby and now that baby is in my arms.

I sometimes wish I could go back to being pregnant knowing what I know now.

Would I be as scared? Perhaps. But maybe not.

If anything, I know I would have taken the time to slow down and spend time with the baby in my belly. Speak to her. Sing to her. Share with her all the fun things we’d do when she came out.

I didn’t do enough of that because I spent my time nervous about so many things.

None of those things actually happened. Other things did. Things I could never have planned for or didn’t even know would happen (see: problems with breastfeeding).

Everyone tells you to try not to worry.

When people told me that, it made me worry more.

I think it’s okay to have a sense of worry, a sense of fear, but to take some breaks.

In those breaks, dance, sing, share everything you want to share, imagine what life will be like in just a few months.

Try, my friend, to give yourself a break.

Love,

Jen

Some quick things I loved this week:

❤️ I compared five of the most popular diapers and shared my findings. This diaper really did outshine all the other ones though and is worth the price tag - even if the baby only wears them at night.

❤️ I created a video on postpartum styling tips and what I learned working with a professional stylist. Press play here.

❤️ All my list of must-have items that I adore are here.

Ps. Know someone who would adore this newsletter or who needs honest advice during their pregnancy or postpartum journey?

Share Scared to Be a Mom

What Starting Over Would Look Like

When I found out I was pregnant, the joy I felt was quickly overshadowed by a deep sense of panic. I was about to be a first-time mom and didn't feel qualified for this change. I had never changed a diaper. I'd held a baby only once, and it cried the entire time it was in my arms.

I spent as much time as possible during my pregnancy learning about motherhood. But even after reading a handful of books and taking courses about the birthing experience and life with a newborn, there were still so many things I wasn't ready for once the baby arrived.

Now that I'm a mom to a 1-month-old, I can't help but wish I'd spent more time caring and learning about a handful of topics before giving birth. Here are the five things I wish I prepared more for when I was pregnant. 

Prepared for all postpartum needs 

When I was pregnant, a few of my mom friends told me that after giving birth, my body would take quite a long time to heal. They shared a list of postpartum-care items that would be helpful to have in the house, such as menstrual pads and leak-proof underwear.

While I procured the items I needed to take care of my body, I wasn't prepared for the stress that would come from being unable to operate at 100% when the baby came home. Since my body was in pain, and I was perpetually exhausted from labor and life with a newborn, I didn't have the energy or the time to cook, clean, or do daily laundry. My partner helped as much as possible, but there was always so much to do around the house.

I wish that we had set a budget aside to hire professionals to help us during the early postpartum days, whether a local meal-prep chef, a housekeeper, or even a postpartum doula who could come over for a few hours a week and support the baby and us with whatever we needed.

Figured out options for feeding the baby

Even before I was pregnant, I always thought that I'd breastfeed my baby. I didn't consider any other feeding options because it seemed like everyone I knew exclusively breastfed.

It was only after I gave birth that I saw firsthand the challenges that come with breastfeeding. When my baby was born, she had trouble latching, and my supply was very low. It took me a few days to decide that breastfeeding wasn't the path I wanted to go down.

Since I wasn't familiar with other options, I rushed to order a breast pump and spent hours researching formula brands. 

I wish I had spent more time learning about breastfeeding, taken a lactation class, or met with a consultant. I also wish I had backup plans so that when breastfeeding didn't work out, I would've had a breast pump and formula in the house.

Set boundaries for once the baby arrived 

The day we came home from the hospital with our newborn, 10 friends and family members asked my husband and me when they could come to meet the baby. We were extremely overwhelmed and wanted to spend time bonding with our newborn before having anyone over.

When we told friends and family that it wasn't a good time, we received pushback and pressure. We even had a few people show up at our door unexpectedly just to say hello. Even worse, when people would come over, they didn't offer to help and expected us to entertain them and have food.

Since we didn't set clear boundaries before the baby arrived, it was harder to stand up to friends and family who begged us to come to meet the baby.

If I could go back in time, I would send a formal email or text message to our loved ones sharing that we'd decided not to have anyone meet the baby for six to eight weeks. That way, they would be more prepared for us to say no when the baby arrived and hopefully respect our boundaries. 

Worried less and enjoyed myself more 

During the last trimester of my pregnancy, I found myself feeling stressed and anxious. I wanted to make sure I was as prepared as possible. I spent weekends shopping for items and weeknights watching videos on what to expect during labor and delivery.

I pushed off date nights and said no to staycations so that I could be proactive about working on our baby's to-do list.

Rather than use all my free time to over prepare for the baby, I wish I had spent more of those days relaxing and enjoying quality time with my partner, since it will be a while before we can spend moments alone together. 

Built a relationship with my doctor 

One of the biggest mistakes I made during pregnancy was not reaching out to my doctor and communicating with her more. In medical situations, I often find myself hesitating to call my doctors when something isn't right or I'm feeling off.

There were many moments, especially toward the end of my pregnancy, when I felt symptoms I wasn't prepared for, like different abdominal pains and light bleeding. I was too nervous to contact my doctor because I felt like I would be annoying her since I was only one of her many patients. Instead of calling the office, I'd spend time searching for information online and often find myself more nervous.

Looking back, I wish that I made a point, from the start, to build a relationship with my doctor. If I could go back, I would force myself to ask at least three questions every visit, rather than sitting there with a buzzing brain of things I wanted to know but felt too shy to ask about. I also would ask her the best way to reach out if I had frequent questions or felt like something was off. That way, I would've been prepared to contact her without feeling like I was annoying her.

Leave a comment

Welcome to my diary. These are entires I wrote during my own pregnancy. What you’re about to read is unfiltered, unedited, and perhaps a bit uncanny. But these are my raw feelings written in real-time. Everyone’s perspective and journey is different. This is mine.

Subscribe now

Dear friend,

Jen Glantz here.

Today is 13-weeks of being a mom. Things change quickly around here but this morning I woke up, turned to the left and saw my baby in her bassinet smiling at me.

I looked at the clock and saw it was 6am… 6 freaking AM!

The first couple of weeks (and months) with a baby have you waking up throughout the night a million different times.

Even if you’re a person who loves sleep, needs sleep, can’t live without getting 8-hours of sleep, you find a way to toss the covers off you, put on a pair of fuzzy socks, and show up for your baby.

Those nights were tough - I remember feeling like my dreams and my reality were one giant bowl of mush.

I remember the anxiety before bed that even though I was putting my head down on the pillow, I knew I’d be picking up in mere minutes.

Adam and I had an inside joke where we’d wake up at 1am to take care of the baby and before going back to sleep at 1:30am, we’d turn to each other and say: see you soon.

Soon was sometimes 2:05am, 2:30am, maybe even 3am.

Life with a 13-week old baby is constantly changing, but perhaps the best parts, right now, is that our inside jokes stay the same.

Now, we’re sleeping a little bit better (I don’t want to jinx anything) but even so, when Adam and I go to bed, we still say: see you soon.

And when that soon happens, even if it’s 20-minutes later, we wake up groggy and heavy-footed, but still, somehow, with a little bit of a smile too.

Some quick things I loved this week:

❤️ Products that I fell in love with this week:

• I tried on a TON of bathing suits and wanted one that I felt good in with my postpartum body. This is the one. I am obsessed! It’s so flattering and fits very well.

• A fun board book I’m loving right now

• I put these all over the house and grab them every few minutes (or so it seems).

Ps. Know someone who would adore this newsletter or who needs honest advice during their pregnancy or postpartum journey?

Share Scared to Be a Mom

Postpartum Scripts to Use When People Reach Out

A few hours after giving birth, I found myself sitting in the hospital bed, holding my newborn, and checking my phone for the first time in a while. My husband had been sending our loved ones a play-by-play of my labor and delivery. They knew exactly when the baby was born. That's why, when I picked up my phone, I had 10 missed calls and dozens of text messages from people sending congratulatory wishes and asking for photos of the baby.

Once we got home from the hospital, the messages didn't stop. Everyone was asking how we were doing, when they could come see the baby, and what they could do to help.

At first, I was so overwhelmed that I lied to everyone and told them we were doing just fine and had everything we needed. The truth was, we could have used all the support in the world to get us out of piles of laundry, endless household chores, and help us prepare meals so we weren't eating granola bars all day long.

I decided to write out a few scripts based on the type of help that we needed at the moment, so when people reached out, I had a reply ready to go.

Here's exactly what I sent our loved ones when they offered support so that we could give them practical options while also setting clear boundaries around what we needed. 

When I needed help with the dirty work

On the days when household chores were piling up and I could use a few extra sets of hands, I desperately wanted to ask loved ones to come over and help out with the dirty work. While asking people to come over and do dishes, clean the bathroom, or meal prep dinners for the week, felt hard to do because I didn't want to bother them, it felt necessary to put it at least out there and see who would be up for providing that type of support.

Here's what I sent out when we needed hands-on help:

"I'm so grateful that you've been offering to help us out during this exciting and overwhelming time. Right now, a lot of the support we could use is around the house. If you're available for a few hours this week, we'd be so appreciative for an extra pair of hands to help with laundry, tidying up, and even cooking up a few easy dishes we could store in the fridge. The best times for us are around 2 pm to 4pm since the baby is using napping then. If that works for you, let us know. We'd love to have you over!"

When I didn't need IRL help

During the first few weeks with our newborn, there were so many days that I didn't want anyone to come over. I was dealing with so many emotions, and so much exhaustion that having someone enter our tiny one-bedroom apartment seemed daunting.

However, there were still things that people could do without being here that were helpful. We decided to ask people for help with grocery shopping, running errands, or dropping meals outside our front door. 

Here's what I sent on the days we didn't want in-person help:

"Thank you so much for offering to help out today. I know how excited everyone is to spend quality time with the baby, but right now, we're all feeling a bit exhausted and overwhelmed. We'd still love your support and have a few ideas that could help us out immensely. If any of these options work for you, let us know! 

- Are you able to do a grocery run for us? We'll reimburse you and share a list of what we need before you head to the store.

- Would you be able to run a few errands? We need a few things from two stores in the neighborhood that we've already paid for in advance. Do we just need someone to pick them up and drop them off?

- I know we'd all love a hearty meal tonight. You offered to cook us your famous lasagna. We'd love to take you up on that!"

When I needed a break 

Since my husband and I didn't have any time off from work after having the baby, we found ourselves trying to jump back into too many things at once. Not only did we have to care for our newborn, but we also had to work our full-time jobs. 

There were some days when all we needed was someone to watch the baby, hold her, and feed her, while we both focused on work, or when one of us needed a 30-minute break to take a nap, go for a solo-walk, or just take a long shower. 

Here's what I shared with our loved ones when we needed that type of help:

"I'd love to take you up on your offer to come come over and watch the baby today. I need to focus on putting together a big client proposal so I'll be sitting in the other room to work on this, but will be home. The best time to come would be from 10am until 1pm. Does that work for you?"

Leave a comment

Welcome to my diary. These are entires I wrote during my own pregnancy. What you’re about to read is unfiltered, unedited, and perhaps a bit uncanny. But these are my raw feelings written in real-time. Everyone’s perspective and journey is different. This is mine.

Subscribe now

Dear friend,

Jen Glantz here.

Today is 12-weeks of being a mom and I want to dive into my biggest lessons learned so far.

One thing i’ve learned is love.

A different type of love that I’ve never felt before.

There is perhaps a limit to the types of live we feel in a lifetime.

Each one is a carnival.

Each one is different.

This one makes my heart ring like bells.

And those bells turn into little songs.

And those songs play on repeat as the days blend together.

And it’s so beautiful.

Some quick things I loved this week:

❤️ Products that I fell in love with this week:

• Really loving this diaper brand the best! I just ordered Gemma size two and hope we stick with this brand forever!

• Living in these pumping bras every single day.

• Excited to transition from the bassinet into our 3-in-1 crib.

❤️I’ve been spending time spilling my thoughts on TikTok. Watch some of that fun stuff right here!

Share

5 things I'd do differently to prepare for a baby and motherhood now that I'm a new mom

When I found out I was pregnant, the joy I felt was quickly overshadowed by a deep sense of panic. I was about to be a first-time mom and didn't feel qualified for this change. I had never changed a diaper. I'd held a baby only once, and it cried the entire time it was in my arms.

I spent as much time as possible during my pregnancy learning about motherhood. But even after reading a handful of books and taking courses about the birthing experience and life with a newborn, there were still so many things I wasn't ready for once the baby arrived.

Now that I'm a mom to a 1-month-old, I can't help but wish I'd spent more time caring and learning about a handful of topics before giving birth. Here are the five things I wish I prepared more for when I was pregnant. 

Prepared for all postpartum needs 

When I was pregnant, a few of my mom friends told me that after giving birth, my body would take quite a long time to heal. They shared a list of postpartum-care items that would be helpful to have in the house, such as menstrual pads and leak-proof underwear.

While I procured the items I needed to take care of my body, I wasn't prepared for the stress that would come from being unable to operate at 100% when the baby came home. Since my body was in pain, and I was perpetually exhausted from labor and life with a newborn, I didn't have the energy or the time to cook, clean, or do daily laundry. My partner helped as much as possible, but there was always so much to do around the house.

I wish that we had set a budget aside to hire professionals to help us during the early postpartum days, whether a local meal-prep chef, a housekeeper, or even a postpartum doula who could come over for a few hours a week and support the baby and us with whatever we needed.

Figured out options for feeding the baby

Even before I was pregnant, I always thought that I'd breastfeed my baby. I didn't consider any other feeding options because it seemed like everyone I knew exclusively breastfed.

It was only after I gave birth that I saw firsthand the challenges that come with breastfeeding. When my baby was born, she had trouble latching, and my supply was very low. It took me a few days to decide that breastfeeding wasn't the path I wanted to go down.

Since I wasn't familiar with other options, I rushed to order a breast pump and spent hours researching formula brands. 

I wish I had spent more time learning about breastfeeding, taken a lactation class, or met with a consultant. I also wish I had backup plans so that when breastfeeding didn't work out, I would've had a breast pump and formula in the house.

Set boundaries for once the baby arrived 

The day we came home from the hospital with our newborn, 10 friends and family members asked my husband and me when they could come to meet the baby. We were extremely overwhelmed and wanted to spend time bonding with our newborn before having anyone over.

When we told friends and family that it wasn't a good time, we received pushback and pressure. We even had a few people show up at our door unexpectedly just to say hello. Even worse, when people would come over, they didn't offer to help and expected us to entertain them and have food.

Since we didn't set clear boundaries before the baby arrived, it was harder to stand up to friends and family who begged us to come to meet the baby.

If I could go back in time, I would send a formal email or text message to our loved ones sharing that we'd decided not to have anyone meet the baby for six to eight weeks. That way, they would be more prepared for us to say no when the baby arrived and hopefully respect our boundaries. 

Worried less and enjoyed myself more 

During the last trimester of my pregnancy, I found myself feeling stressed and anxious. I wanted to make sure I was as prepared as possible. I spent weekends shopping for items and weeknights watching videos on what to expect during labor and delivery.

I pushed off date nights and said no to staycations so that I could be proactive about working on our baby's to-do list.

Rather than use all my free time to over prepare for the baby, I wish I had spent more of those days relaxing and enjoying quality time with my partner, since it will be a while before we can spend moments alone together. 

Built a relationship with my doctor 

One of the biggest mistakes I made during pregnancy was not reaching out to my doctor and communicating with her more. In medical situations, I often find myself hesitating to call my doctors when something isn't right or I'm feeling off.

There were many moments, especially toward the end of my pregnancy, when I felt symptoms I wasn't prepared for, like different abdominal pains and light bleeding. I was too nervous to contact my doctor because I felt like I would be annoying her since I was only one of her many patients. Instead of calling the office, I'd spend time searching for information online and often find myself more nervous.

Looking back, I wish that I made a point, from the start, to build a relationship with my doctor. If I could go back, I would force myself to ask at least three questions every visit, rather than sitting there with a buzzing brain of things I wanted to know but felt too shy to ask about. I also would ask her the best way to reach out if I had frequent questions or felt like something was off. That way, I would've been prepared to contact her without feeling like I was annoying her.

Leave a comment

Welcome to my diary. These are entires I wrote during my own pregnancy. What you’re about to read is unfiltered, unedited, and perhaps a bit uncanny. But these are my raw feelings written in real-time. Everyone’s perspective and journey is different. This is mine

Subscribe now

Dear friend,

Whenever I see someone else walking around town with a newborn, I stop to say hello.

But after asking the person how old their baby is, I ask them a question I wish more people asked me.

What’s something you’ve lived through during the past few weeks that shocked you silly?

I don’t ask it as blunt as that. But I want to know what the most surprising part of their postpartum journey has been so far.

I met someone the other day with a 3-month old baby. He said his wife prepared for EVERYTHING. She read books, took classes, joined every mom group on the internet. But yet - she was haunted by some of the things that happened after she gave birth.

He shared the intimate details with me. I gave him a hug.

It might seem like my question is a tough one to answer but people in their postpartum era are usually so desperate to talk - once you give them a safe space.

I wish more people asked me about how i’m doing and how I’ve been able to find my way out of deep and personal struggles during this time.

Yes, they ask me about the baby and how much I love her and if i’m shocked by how much I love her.

And I want to tell them about how she smiles at me and my heart turns into pudding.

But I also want to tell them about the night she cried for 12-hours straight and so did I.

To those pregnant: Tell your close friends now that you might need them during those early weeks to listen - not to ask you about all the good stuff - but to hear you out about all the unexpected stuff.

My postpartum heroes: Talk to anyone. Even if it’s hard. Find someone who will listen - even a stranger - and pour out the truth. It will free up space in your chest.

Supportive friends/fam: Don’t assume based on a Facebook photo that your postpartum friend is having a breezy time as a new mom. Don’t ask them only about how in love they are with their babe. Ask them about the surprises and the shocks. Give them your ears. It’s the gift they might need right now.

Share

Some quick things I loved this week:

❤️ A friend just shared that she’s pregnant and so I decided to make a Google doc of my top suggestions for her. Sharing it here with you too!

❤️I’ve been spending time spilling my thoughts on TikTok. Watch some of that fun stuff right here!

Postpartum Therapy Session

A few weeks after I gave birth, I sank into a fog of depression. I was overwhelmed and sleep-deprived, and I couldn't stop feeling like a failure as a new mom. It was hard to realize and accept that so much was happening inside me. My body was in recovery mode from labor, my hormones were imbalanced, and my brain was trying to process everything. 

Even though I had the support of my partner and loved ones, I felt like nobody understood what I was going through. That's what made me decide to get in touch with a therapist specializing in helping postpartum women. That would allow me a safe space to open up and receive actionable advice. 

After chatting with Laurel Steinberg, a psychotherapist specializing in relationships, dating, and treatment for postpartum anxiety and sadness, I walked away with five takeaways and tools that helped me navigate the changes in my body and mind during this postpartum period. Here's the advice that helped me out the most. 

Be extra kind to yourself 

One of the first things I shared with Steinberg was that I was being hard on myself as a first-time mom. Without any maternity leave, I was also trying to work full time while caring for the baby.

She stressed the importance of acknowledging that postpartum time is one of healing and adjusting.

Even though I'm trying to do a lot, she recommended living in small amounts of time and approaching each task and hour of the day as it came. To do that, Steinberg advised adjusting expectations for what I could do in a period of time in the past vs. now.

"Understand there are special circumstances going on and things will take more time," she said. "There's nothing wrong with that."

If there are things that I feel I overcommitted to, it's OK to communicate to that person or client how I'm feeling, Steinberg said.

"You can express the intentions you had and that now you have limitations that were hard to come to terms with until right now," she said.

Understand the unique relationship of having a newborn

When I was feeling down about being a new mom, one of the big reasons was that I didn't feel like my baby loved me. As much as I express that I love her, through words and actions, it doesn't feel like she's doing the same.

This is why it was helpful when Steinberg shared the uniqueness of building a relationship with a newborn. 

"As adults, we're used to building relationships built on conversations," she said. "This relationship is different. It's built on kisses, looks, and cuddles."

It was a helpful perspective because it reminded me of how important it was to spend time bonding with the baby and getting to know her. 

Set clear boundaries 

Our feelings around having visitors divided my partner and me during the first few weeks with our newborn. I wasn't feeling up to having family or friends swinging by, and he was. Steinberg suggested setting clear boundaries around having visitors and getting on the same page with my husband about this.

"Explain to your partner that you want the baby to have relationships with people and build community; however, timing is everything," she said.

Since I was feeling too overwhelmed to have people come over, she said a good middle ground was to start slow and have my partner introduce the baby to friends or family over video chats first.

It was also empowering to hear her remind me that postpartum life was a big psychological and physical recovery. So if there's something I'm not ready for, I should speak up about it.

"Remember, 'no' is a full sentence," she said. "You don't have to explain yourself." 

Avoid comparisons 

As a full-time entrepreneur and content creator, I expressed to Steinberg that it's hard not to find myself comparing myself with other people on social media who are also first-time moms. While I know doing this isn't helpful, it felt hard to avoid and added to my negative feelings about myself.

Steinberg's solution was to temporarily stop following the people who were making me jealous or whom I was comparing myself with. 

"You, your healing, your baby's development, and even the cleanliness of your home are not in competition with anyone else," she said. "Go at your own pace." 

She suggested pushing away the feeling of being in competition with others and surrounding myself with positive influences.

Surround yourself with support 

In addition to finding a therapist who specializes in helping women with their postpartum needs, you should find support in any way that's accessible to you, Steinberg said.

She said that one good resource for me could be a group of other women who also just had a baby. That way, I would have a group of people to bond with and feel less alone. 

Steinberg also suggested doing bibliotherapy, which is the process of using reading materials as therapy, and reading books about the postpartum journey. That way, I can understand more about the adjustments and changes I'm going through internally and externally as a new mom.

Leave a comment

Welcome to my diary. These are entires I wrote during my own pregnancy. What you’re about to read is unfiltered, unedited, and perhaps a bit uncanny. But these are my raw feelings written in real-time. Everyone’s perspective and journey is different. This is mine.

Subscribe now

Dear friend,

Jen Glantz here.

I’ve been a mom for 2-months now.

People like to ask me:

Is it getting easier?

Are you getting the hang of this mom thing?

Are you not scared to be a mom anymore?

No. No. And No.

Every day with a newborn is different than the day before.

Just when you think you’ve found a magic trick to get your baby to snooze for a few hours straight, you quickly realize it might have been more good luck than a game plan to follow.

Just when I think I’ve figured out how to balance full-time work with being a full-time mom, I check my inbox to see endless unanswered emails about deadlines I missed or work opportunities I wish I could say yes to - but I can’t right now.

And just when I think I’m not as scared to be a mom anymore, the baby will cough or her eye will turn red and I’ll run to Google before running to the pediatrician’s office.

So I’m 2-months in and it’s all really scary and tough.

Every morning I wake up and wonder how I’m going to make it through the day.

And every night I go to bed impressed that I did.

This week: I’m scared but proud to be a mom.

Share Scared to Be a Mom

Some quick things I loved this week:

❤️ Products that I fell in love with this week:

• This really cool company sent me a cocktail making machine to test out and it was awesome! I’m not good at making my own cocktails and this machine was easy and fun to use. It’s a great anniversary gift or something sweet to give new parents. Check it out here.

• Adam bought this bestselling item on Amazon and so far Gemma really loves it.

❤️ An article I wrote about eating placenta.

❤️I’ve been spending time spilling my thoughts on TikTok. Watch some of that fun stuff right here!

8 Mistakes I Made in 8-Weeks as a New Mom

To celebrate my two month anniversary of being a mom, I wanted to round-up some of the biggest mistakes I made. Looking back, these are the things I wish people told me to plan for after having a baby. So if you know anyone who is having a baby, share this with them. It might help or it might make them roll their eyes - because all this stuff is really hard to care about when you’re thinking about how labor and delivery is going to go.

Either way, here are my biggest 8 mistakes and how I wish I handled them differently.

1. Set Firm Boundaries

   After the baby arrived, I was exhausted, busy, and completely overwhelmed. What made it worse was not having strict boundaries or pre-planned ways to respond to all the noise. I wish I had a script written out to share with people who called and texted - nonstop - about coming to see the baby. Even better, I wish Adam and I had set a boundary for how long we’d wait until we saw people (except family). I made the mistake of seeing some friends in the first 1-2 weeks and it was so exhausting and depleting. It was a huge mistake. I wish we said: no visitors or guests (aside from family) until week 8. Also, I wish Adam and I agreed on boundaries about using our phone around the baby - it can be easy to do this since pre-baby we were always on the phone.

2. Figured Out How to Take off Work

   Neither of us had any time off of work. Hours after delivering the baby, we were both back on our phones and computers. A few days after we got home from the hospital, we both were attempting to work 9-5. What a disaster. I thought I could figure out how to make this work but I couldn’t. I was so tired and there was a baby who needed to be cared for and loved. We were both so distracted by our work to-do lists that meeting her basic needs became challenging. I didn’t want that to be the case so I did 15% of the work I usually do in a month. But I felt sad and resentful, stressed and angry that I could not be a full-time mom and a full-time worker. We’re still figuring this all out but I wish I would have pre-planned paid family leave before getting pregnant (either by getting a short-term disability plan or paid family leave through the state). Both of those options have to be done in advance of being pregnant so I missed out - but you should look into these options ASAP when family planning.

3. Set Aside a Clothing Budget

   I didn’t realize how my body would be post-birth. I thought after a week or two I’d be back in my old leggings. But no no no. I didn’t even fit in my maternity leggings since my post-birth body was shaped so different. Rather than judge my body or critique it after such a wild experience of being pregnant and giving birth, I wish I had set aside $300 to buy new postpartum clothing. Nothing fit me so I wore baggy sweatpants for 3-4 weeks and now I’m wearing my maternity biker shorts until I find time to go shopping. Your post-birth body will be new to you and it deserves clothes that fit it right.

4. Had Plans for Baby Feeding

   I always assumed I’d breastfeed the baby. I don’t know why I assumed that but I did. I took one short lactaction class while I was pregnant and didn’t learn anything. So when breastfeeding didn’t go as planned, I felt like a failure. I wasn’t even prepared with a backup plan. I had a breast pump in a box that I didn’t know how to use and a can of formula. I wish that I had spent more time understanding all the baby feeding options and had a plan and a backup plan ready to go. This was the most stressful thing about having a newborn weeks 1-3.

5. Connected With Mom Friends

   Having a newborn is a lonely experience. Your friends and family don’t understand what you’re going through, even if they have had kids in the past. The exhaustion, the stress, the worry all fades eventually. But when you’re in the middle of it, wow. It’s rough. There are a lot of new mom groups in my neighborhood but I have been too tired to even attempt to go to a meetup. My brain is hardly working and the thought of going to one and making conversation just seems so daunting. I know connecting with other new moms would be a game changing thing to do, but I need some more time. This is something I wish I did in my pregnancy so that I had these relationships already created.

6. Sent Friends a Clear Message

   I’m failing at friendship right now. It takes so much effort to respond to a text message and it’s impossible to call anyone back. I have 147 missed calls. I wish I had sent my friends an email letting them know exactly what I needed during this crazy time - which is a lot of grace and forgiveness for not being able to show up in the friendship. I also wish I had more of a plan in place so when people asked what they could do to help, I had answers. I wish I said: gift card to delivery services, helping out with Goofy (my dog), etc.

7. Stuck to My Original Registry Idea

   I didn’t want a baby registry because I didn’t really know what the baby needed and we have no space in this tiny apartment. But so many people asked us to share our registry and I felt bad having nothing but gift cards on it so I put a ton of stuff on the list. We now have a ton of stuff and Gemma cares about 1/3 of it all. Gift cards are better, smarter, and more efficient. I wish I put: Amazon, DoorDash, Whole Foods, Target, and Uber gift cards on the list and that’s it.

8. Found Mom Sparknotes

   I bought so many parenting books but to be honest reading them feels impossible. I need to learn about sleep training and introducing solids. I don’t have time to read a 200 page book about these topics. I wish I found mom sparknotes that summarized the popular books in just a few paragraphs.

Leave a comment

Welcome to my diary. These are entires I wrote during my own pregnancy. What you’re about to read is unfiltered, unedited, and perhaps a bit uncanny. But these are my raw feelings written in real-time. Everyone’s perspective and journey is different. This is mine.

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Dear friend,

Jen Glantz here.

When I was pregnant, the only hobby I had was preparing as much as I could for the baby.

I didn’t know what I needed, so I bought everything. I won’t lie to you, I bought 2-3 of everything and stored most of it under my bed.

But one of the biggest things I didn’t prepare for ended up being one of the most difficult parts of being a new mom with a newborn.

Baby feeding.

When I was pregnant, I assumed I’d just breastfeed.

I didn’t give it much thought. I just figured it was something I’d want to do and it would be easy.

I took one class on breastfeeding. It lasted an hour. I learned nothing.

So moments after the baby entered the world, a nurse forced her onto my breast, and there I was - forced to figure out how to feed her.

It was a disaster. I wasn’t prepared for this type of disaster.

I’m sharing the full story with you here.

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If I could go back in time, I’d do these things differently.

• I’d have a breast feeding back-up plan and a back-up plan for that back-up plan.

  • I’d have my breast pump fully set-up and I’d spend time learning how to use it BEFORE the baby arrived. That way, if I needed it (and I needed it) I wouldn’t have to first learn how to use it.

    • This is the pump I use 8-10x a day and I love it. I also bought the portable version to take with me on-the-go.

  • I’d also have more formula in the house in case I needed it (and I needed it). Having a can of formula saved us from having to go to the emergency room when the baby wouldn’t latch. Now, we supplement with 1/2 pumped breast milk and 1/2 formula. I use this one.

• I’d have a lactation consultant on-call to meet me at home the day I got home from the hospital. Not only that, but I’d do a prenatal visit too so that we could build a relationship and that consultant could provide breastfeeding tips before the baby arrived. I scrambled to find someone to come ASAP when we were experiencing problems and that person was….not helpful. I found a second person and she wasn’t super helpful either. I wish I had done this research before giving birth.

• Take an intensive breastfeeding class. I took one before giving birth but it wasn’t helpful. It was only an hour long. I didn’t learn anything. I wish I took a longer one where they went into depth about breastfeeding and what to do if a baby won’t latch.

  Leave a comment

Welcome to my diary. These are entires I wrote during my own pregnancy. What you’re about to read is unfiltered, unedited, and perhaps a bit uncanny. But these are my raw feelings written in real-time. Everyone’s perspective and journey is different. This is mine.

Subscribe now

Dear friend,

Jen Glantz here.

I just hit the 6-week mark of being a mom.

I feel like I have enough stories about this adventure to fill an entire series of books.

Mostly about lessons learned. Mini mistakes. Moments of feeling like the biggest failure. Other moments when I felt like mom of the year.

It’s all too much to summarize.

Which is why the question of: How is everything?

Can just feel impossible to answer.

Sharing more about why that is below.

Ps. Know someone who would enjoy reading this?

Share Scared to Be a Mom

Some quick things I loved this week:

❤️ Products that I fell in love with this week:

• I splurged and bought the baby this play gym. It’s a lot of fun and there’s so many things you can do with the mat as the baby grows. Plus, somehow, it fits okay in our tiny 1-bedroom apartment…for now.

• A classic book I’ve been reading the baby 3-4x this week.

• I bought more of their pumping bras and nipple cream - my favorite postpartum brand so far.

❤️I’ve been spending time spilling my thoughts on TikTok. Watch some of that fun stuff right here!

You’re Not Invisible…But it Might Feel That Way

As a new mom, you can’t help but feel invisible.

Nobody but you sees, feels, or fully understands what you’re going through.

I was walking yesterday and a guy behind me screamed: “Could you walk any slower?”

And I wanted to scream back: “Excuse me sir, but I just had a baby double the size of your head a week ago.”

But how would he know?

I don’t look pregnant.

I don’t have a bumper sticker on my back that says: approach with caution, I’m a new mom.

But sometimes I wish I did.

New moms experience things quietly.

Hormones fluctuating, emotions pounding, physical recovery happening underneath clothing or period pads, your body has gone through so many changes you can’t keep track.

Every single thing in your life is different now. Nothing is the same. And it happened so fast.

It’s hard when people ask you how you’re doing, because there’s no good answer.

Telling them the truth, makes you sound negative. It unloads TMI and they aren’t always prepared for that. They don’t know how to respond to “It’s been a mess” they just know how to respond to “It’s been so beautiful.”

If you’re postpartum, you’re not invisible. You’re just seeing things different right now, and people are making the mistake of seeing you the same.

Take care of yourself, when you can, how you can, and with whomever you can let inside your life right now to help.

Leave a comment

Welcome to my diary. These are entires I wrote during my own pregnancy. What you’re about to read is unfiltered, unedited, and perhaps a bit uncanny. But these are my raw feelings written in real-time. Everyone’s perspective and journey is different. This is mine.

Subscribe now

Dear friend,

Jen Glantz here.

I’m in my second month of being a new mom.

This morning, someone asked us how it’s been going. Adam said it best:

It’s hard to notice change. It’s hard to even tell how much the baby has grown because we spend every second with her.

He’s so right. If we don’t completely stop time and pay attention to the little details, we miss them. The only way to measure change, growth, and even success is to count backward.

More than 30-days ago, I didn’t even know if I could get through the fears of giving birth. I really didn’t know if I could be a mom.

But now, here I am. I’m doing it. I’ve done it. I have a newborn and I’ve been her mom for a month.

Are we experts? Are we superstar parents?

It doesn’t matter.

What matters is that we know more now than we ever have before.

When I take the time to see that, I can’t help but feel:

Proud…scared still..but proud to be a mom.

Ps. Know someone who would enjoy reading this?

Share Scared to Be a Mom

Some quick things I loved this week:

❤️ Products that I fell in love with this week:

• After a month of trying a ton of different diaper brands, we love Kudos the best. I found them on Shark Tank and they are the only brand Gemma doesn’t leak through - plus they are “natural” - so no chlorine, cotton, and have two absorption layers. I reached out to share my praise and they wanted to offer my readers a discount code: GLANTZ10 for 10% off.

• My feeding journey has been quite the adventure that i’m going to share soon. But as of now, I’m exclusively pumping and supplementing with formula. I’m using Bobbie and really love them - the baby does too. Natural ingredients that mimic breast milk. They also wanted to offer up a discount code: XO-JENGLANTZ10 for 10% off.

  These aren’t paid partnerships and I don’t make money if you use the code - I just really love them!

❤️ Heard this quote today and wanted to share it. It’s on setting boundaries - which is something you need to master as a new mom because you’re exhausted, healing, and don’t need extra stuff floating into your life:

No is a complete sentence. You don’t need to explain yourself.

❤️ I’ve been spending time spilling my thoughts on TikTok. Watch some of that fun stuff right here!

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3 Lessons in 30 Days as a Mom

Lesson #1:

You are the only one who is allowed to judge how you’re doing as a new mom. Not your friends, your family, a random mom in a Facebook group, or a person you haven’t seen since high school who is sliding into your DMs telling you what not to do.

Just you. Only you.

However, if you’re a tough judge, like I am, you might be super hard on yourself. You might even have an entire week where you live inside a cloud of guilt and feel like the world’s biggest failure. But as you emerge from that fog, you will realize that you’re doing the best you can and while it might not feel like perfection, one day you will look back and be amazed by all that you did, every single day.

Lesson #2:

The biggest challenges of having a newborn are the unexpected ones.

It’s not sleep.

You won’t sleep - but you already know that, you expect that.

It’s everything else that blindsides you.

It’s figuring out how to give a newborn a bath, how to feed a newborn if breastfeeding didn’t go as planned, and even how to soothe the baby when she’s crying.

Pro tip: have the pediatricians number on hand and find one who offers late-night virtual appointments. Also befriend other new moms. These two things really come in handy.

Lesson #3:

Realize you’re experiencing a brand new kind of love. Most relationships are built on getting to know a person through hours of conversation. Not this one. This type of love is built on sounds, eye contact, quality time, endless amounts of care, and just so many other things.

It reminds you that deep love is patient, unconditional, rare, and special.

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Welcome to my diary. These are entires I wrote during my own first year as a new mom. What you’re about to read is unfiltered, unedited, and perhaps a bit uncanny. But these are my raw feelings written in real-time. Everyone’s perspective and journey is different. This is mine.

Subscribe now

Dear friend,

Jen Glantz here.

I became a mom a month ago today.

Can you believe it? I sort of can’t.

The mind is tremendous.

It’s only been a month and I can’t really remember life without my baby.

It’s only been a month but it also feels like a decade worth of time just played out in one really long day.

I’m still recovering. I’m still trying to figure out how to tackle everything in life so that life doesn’t resemble a pile of dirty dishes.

I’ve given up trying to be the perfect person or the one who can do it all (or at least appear that way).

And because I’ve given that up, I’ve made space to enjoy the only thing in life that really matters right now: spending time with my baby - getting to know her and showing her endless amounts of love.

The question I ask myself everyday is this:

Am I still scared to be a mom?

One month in, perhaps I am more scared than ever.

About different, unusual, and unexpected things.

I promise to keep sharing those things with you here.

Ps. Know someone who would enjoy reading this?

Share Scared to Be a Mom

Some quick things I loved this week:

❤️ Products that I fell in love with this week:

• I’ll do a deep-dive on my baby feeding journey with you soon but I’m pumping and supplementing with formula. This is the brand that I’m in love with - because their formula mimics breast milk and uses clean ingredients. I reached out to tell them how much I really love their product and they sent me a discount code to share with my readers for 10% off: XO-JENGLANTZ10

• This crib has been so good so far - plus because it’s on wheels, we roll it around the apartment to soothe the baby and also so we can keep it close to our desks when we work in the living room.

• I bought more of their pumping bras and nipple cream - my favorite postpartum brand so far.

❤️I’ve been spending time spilling my thoughts on TikTok. Watch some of that fun stuff right here!

One Month as a Mom

Days before going into labor, I felt like I had to confess something to my baby. I spent months telling the world how scared I was to become a mom. I needed her to know the truth.

Every afternoon, I’d sneak out of the house and take a long walk to this spot by the river in Brooklyn. My hiding spot. The one I always ran away to before finding a million reasons to crawl back home.

I went there the day before I went into labor and spoke out loud, hoping the vibration of my voice would speak to her heart.

“It’s not that I’m scared. It’s that there’s not one word to describe all the things I feel about meeting you, loving you, having you as my baby.”

I spoke to her as the water flowed in our direction, as the cars raced over the bridge above my head, as people passed by in slow motion, silent.

On my way home, I dreamt about the day Gem and I would walk here. How I’d hold her up and show her the world, this life, that we’re living, together.

You know, one month with a newborn feels like a decade in one long, never ending day, where the clock freezes, speeds ahead, runs out of batteries.

You know, one month with a newborn makes you question everything about yourself, your life, your past, your future.

At one month with my newborn, I took her in the stroller to that spot I always ran away to.

I showed her the water, the bridge, the big sky above our heads.

"This is it. It's not everything, but it's my thing, and if you want, it could be our thing. All of it, my sweet love, could be ours."

Leave a comment

Welcome to my diary. These are entires I wrote during my own pregnancy. What you’re about to read is unfiltered, unedited, and perhaps a bit uncanny. But these are my raw feelings written in real-time. Everyone’s perspective and journey is different. This is mine.

Subscribe now

Dear friend,

Jen Glantz here.

Last week, I lost myself in a fog of feelings.

It’s been a while since I felt so down about myself. I labeled myself, my actions, and my decisions as a mom of a 2-week old, as a failure.

Was that true?

Probably not.

Everyone keeps telling me that being a mom isn’t easy. But what they aren’t telling me is that part of why it’s not so easy is because of all of the pressure, emotion, and doubt the mom puts on yourself.

It’s a tough fog to be in. This week, I’m out of it, looking back thinking:

Jen Freaking Glantz…why do you put so much pressure on yourself all of the time?

Last week though, I couldn’t help but feel that way. I’ll share why below.

Ps. Know someone who would enjoy reading this?

Share Scared to Be a Mom

Some quick things I loved this week:

❤️ Products that I fell in love with this week:

• I splurged and bought the baby this play gym. It’s a lot of fun and there’s so many things you can do with the mat as the baby grows. Plus, somehow, it fits okay in our tiny 1-bedroom apartment…for now.

• A classic book I’ve been reading the baby 3-4x this week.

• I bought more of their pumping bras and nipple cream - my favorite postpartum brand so far.

❤️I’ve been spending time spilling my thoughts on TikTok. Watch some of that fun stuff right here!

You’ll Feel Like This A Lot

A friend asked me on a scale of 1-10 how I was doing and I told her the truth. At the time I was feeling like a 2.

I had been a mom for over 2-weeks. During those weeks, I felt like I was hooked up to an IV that was filled with energy drinks. I was running on adrenaline. I was trying to be all these things to all these people: a mom, a wife, an entrepreneur, a friend, a daughter, a daughter-in-law, a freaking human being.

By Sunday of the second week, I crashed, and I crashed hard. The IV felt like it was ripped out and all of a sudden, the lack of sleep, the brain with no off-button, the endless lists of things to do, the lack of energy, crawled out of my body and settled into my skin, like hives.

And that’s when I looked at myself in the mirror and I cried.

I didn’t cry because I was overwhelmed or because I didn’t like being a new mom.

I cried for one reason and one reason only.

I felt like a giant failure.

I felt like I was trying to be so many different things to so many people.

And yet, because of that, I was hardly enough to anyone.

When I started to get out of this fog, I realized I need to cut back on the person I’m trying to be so that I could be the person I want to be right now - just a mom.

This week, I’ve cut back on doing as much work as I thought I could do. I’m only operating at 25% (sometimes less).

I’ve spent less time on social media and even less time trying to respond to text messages.

I know i’m an an awesome entrepreneur and friend. But right now, I’m okay with dropping the awesome part from those titles.

When I started taking pressure off of myself to be so many things, I started to feel like I could slow down, pay attention, and enjoy this moment in my life right now, with my baby, because this time won’t last, just like the fog I was in didn’t last either.

Leave a comment

Welcome to my diary. These are entires I wrote during my own pregnancy. What you’re about to read is unfiltered, unedited, and perhaps a bit uncanny. But these are my raw feelings written in real-time. Everyone’s perspective and journey is different. This is mine.

Subscribe now

Dear friend,

Jen Glantz here.

I’ve been a mom for exactly two weeks.

The best moments have been the early mornings and the middle of the nights. The hardest moments have been then too.

I’m busy getting to know this baby and even busier trying to get her to know me too.

I talk to her about everything, from what the day was like to the meaning of good friendship. I know she hears me, but even more, it’s my touch that might mean more to her, forever.

I want her to feel safe and protected, loved and cared for, and I want her to feel those things right now.

Even when my eye sockets are dropping down toward my lips and I’m crying about how much I wish we had more help around here, I look at her and think:

She’s my baby and I’d do anything for her, gladly, easily, and without hesitation.

Ps. Know someone who would enjoy reading this?

Share Scared to Be a Mom

Some quick things I loved this week:

❤️ Products that I fell in love with this week:

• Loving these outfits from Old Navy. They are good quality and we wash and wear them daily.

• This nipple cream is a godsend.

• I made a bunch of detailed lists of all the things I bought for pregnancy, postpartum, and for the baby. Here’s where you can eyeball / share these lists with anyone who needs them

❤️I’ve been spending time spilling my thoughts on TikTok. Watch some of that fun stuff right here!

Subscribe now

Right After You Give Birth

An hour after giving birth, I had to complete two major milestones that seemed impossible.

Hours earlier, these were things I did every day of my life: pee and walk.

But now, after pushing a baby out, after getting an epidural to make my lower body numb, and a catheter to catch the pee, I had to show the hospital staff that I could function on my own.

Every part of me felt that I couldn’t.

But if I did, I could go back and be with my baby, and I could eat, after not eating for 38-hours.

Two nurses grabbed my arms. When I felt my feet touch the ground, they buzzed. My body felt under attack by fire ants. My brain kept chanting: keep going.

I had never felt fear like I felt when I sat on the toilet and tried to pee. There was so much blood. There was, eventually, a little pee.

This meant I had graduated from the labor and delivery floor and now could be wheeled to the next phase of my life: postpartum.

I had spent  hours preparing for birth and buying every gadget out there to make sure the baby had everything a baby needs.

I spent ZERO time understanding what happens to a person after they give birth, which felt like an initiation to a secret society where what you go through never gets spoken about to anyone, ever, even when you’re asked.

I knew nothing about what was going to happen next.

Upstairs on the postpartum floor, I found myself begging for help.

The baby is crying. What does the baby need? I have no idea what a baby needs!

How do we swaddle, diaper, and most importantly feed this baby?

One nurse came in and shoved her onto my breast. “Is this how I breastfeed?” I asked her.

“Yes, force the baby to latch.”

Whenever I asked people how I’d be able to take care of a newborn, they said:

Just wait. Your motherly instincts will kick in.

But as I sat there, with a baby on my breast, I felt less like a mother, and more like a broken robot, needing the desperate help of very busy nurses around me to survive.

Which I was, for now. But barely.

“I’m just so scared,” I cried to a nurse who I begged to come help me go to the bathroom. 

“What exactly are you scared of?” She replied, as her eyes did a somersault behind her head.

“Everything.”

The blood, the stitches, the soreness of my body, the fog of my mind, the baby in my arms, the breasts that have now turned into milk kegs, the pressure to figure it all out without knowing anything, the steady flow of nurses and doctors. 

The next day, I slumped in the hospital bed. It felt like I might just stay there forever. I wondered if I’d ever feel well enough to go home.

A new nurse came in to look at me and said:

“I have one challenge for you today. Get up,” she said. “I want you to move today. I want you to get up, put on a robe, and walk to the end of the hall.”

“Why?”

“Trust me. You will feel so much better.”

Everyone has a birth story. But they have a postpartum story too. Sometimes, that story is slathered in impossibles, in simple defeats, in tiny wins. 

I didn’t want to get out of that bed. I didn’t want to do anything that anybody asked me to do.

But I did want to feel better.

Minutes later, I put on my robe, I stood up, I walked up and down the halls.

We see the most beautiful photos of people after they’ve given birth. They look showered and refreshed. The baby is in their arms and they are smiling. I always wondered how people could look so put together after so much of them came apart. 

I sat in the hospital bed for days with my hair in a greasy bun. I cried. I laughed. I fell in love with my baby. I felt sorry for my body.

I was dealing with so many things that could never be seen inside of a photo. And because of that, I felt so guilty, so alone.

Moving around was uncomfortable on my body, but important for my brain.

When we left the hospital, I felt like I had done the impossible, over and over again.

But what I didn’t realize was that going home, that first night, would be its very own challenge.

That we would survive, one buzzing step at a time. 

Leave a comment

Welcome to my diary. These are entires I wrote during my own pregnancy. What you’re about to read is unfiltered, unedited, and perhaps a bit uncanny. But these are my raw feelings written in real-time. Everyone’s perspective and journey is different. This is mine.

Subscribe now

Dear friend,

Jen Glantz here. I am a MOM!

A week ago today, at 9:40am, after 38-hours of labor, a little baby girl with bright blue eyes entered the world.

When I first saw her, I was more scared than I ever have been before.

You are my baby?!!!

I felt this pressure to hold her tight, protect her, love her, and keep her safe - all in the same tiny second.

Except I was strapped to a hospital bed, my insides all unaligned, and my brain hogged by doctors and nurses asking me questions and checking on the baby.

In the first week of motherhood, I’ve asked myself one question, again and again:

How am I going to do this?

By this I mean feed my baby, make sure she’s okay during the 1,440 minutes of every day, and still function as a 34-year-old human being.

I don’t have an answer to that question yet but I can tell you this?

I am doing it.

Sometimes it feels like I’m slow dancing on egg shells.

Other times it feels like I’ve been doing this my entire life, like I was always ready to do this, like I have done this before.

Most days, it feels like my entire life is under some kind of magic spell. Like I drank some type of witch potion. Like my heart is slowly expanding and the empty space is filled with a special kind of love.

Ps. Know someone who would enjoy reading this?

Share Scared to Be a Mom

Some quick things I loved this week:

❤️ Products that I fell in love with this week:

A few incredible brands sent me welcome home gifts that I received when I came back from the hospital. I’m super excited to try these products because a lot of them came highly recommended from my mom friends. Sharing some of the awesome ones right here:

-A bunch of products from Tonies. They make music products that keep kids entertained and help them also fall asleep.

-Bugaboo Fox 5 Stroller. This is an epic stroller. It’s made me excited to go outside with the baby for short little walks.

-The coolest and most modern breastfeeding products from Swehl. These would make a great gift for any pregnant friend who is considering breast feeding or pumping.

**I made a bunch of detailed lists of all the things I bought for pregnancy, postpartum, and for the baby. Here’s where you can eyeball / share these lists with anyone who needs them**

❤️ Living in these Kindred Bravely hands free pumping bras. They are so soft. The first two days of pumping, I didn’t realize I could this hands free. The second I put the bra on, my life changed. I’m typing this to you now with my breast pump on.

❤️ I have a theory that my baby is obsessed with Meghan Trainor. She would kick in the womb whenever I played it, the night I filmed a TikTok dance to her song - I went into labor, and even now, when we play her music, she lights up!

❤️I’ve been spending time spilling my thoughts on TikTok. Watch some of that fun stuff right here!

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I Am Somebody’s Mom.

I am slowly sharing every single detail of my experiences with you - from having the baby, to the wickedness of postpartum, to the scary things that happen when you bring the baby home, to the pain of breastfeeding - and every in between.

Let’s start with the first part of the series: LABOR.

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The story starts when I found myself begging the doctor for one more day.

Pregnancy has a deadline. It has to end eventually. Either your body makes it start, or sometimes, the doctor steps in and helps.

I was climbing over the 41 week mark. My doctor eyeballed the calendar and said:

Sunday, March 19th. Let’s have you go to the hospital and let’s induce labor.

That’s my anniversary with Adam. Regardless, I wasn’t ready to go that route. I needed to buy some more time.

She reluctantly said okay.

I wanted to make sure this baby knew that I wanted her here. I’d spent months hollering about how scared I was to be a mom on the top of my lunges. I know she hears me, feels me, listens to me. I needed a few more days to explain myself to her.

I secretly took these long walks to this spot by the East River that holds me still when I run there because the winds of life are making me blow away and drift from the person I know I am.

I sat on a bench and I expelled what was inside of my brain into the baby’s ears:

Your mom feels everything so deeply and intensely. I’ve never wanted anything more than I’ve wanted you.

I’d come home from that walk everyday and sink into the pressure around me to go into labor.

Friends asking: No baby yet? When are they inducing you? You have to get this baby out!

So I did what the internet says to do: I ate pounds of pineapple and jalapeno peppers, I sidestepped curbs, I did acupuncture and foot reflex massages.

Nothing worked.

On Sunday night, March 19th, I asked Adam if we could spend our anniversary doing nothing. I wanted one night to shut off the world, shut down my thoughts.

We danced around the living room.

I felt these pings in my stomach and when I sat on the toilet, I saw a greenlight in the color of red.

I saw blood.

I screamed from the bathroom.

It’s happening. It’s finally happening.

As he ran toward the toilet, I looked down at my belly:

I’m not scared.

I’m ready, I always have been, I was just scared to admit that to be true.

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I was in labor for 38 hours. Every hour felt like I was in a boxing match with my organs. Every minute, its own Mt. Everest.

Somehow, I kept climbing.

After the contractions started, I walked dozy circles in the living room for 12 hours. Every inhale reminded me that the baby and I were working together, every exhale forced my body to rock away some pain.

In the middle of the night, I dug my nails into a chair, and thought about how much we doubt ourselves right before we’re forced to show our strength.

It felt like boulders were slamming my insides, it felt like my stomach was trying to unzip from my body.

And yet, I was doing it.

At hour 15, we went to the hospital.

In the elevator, I shut my eyes and promised this:

To survive, I’d surrender.

To surrender, I’d trust myself.

I was only 2 cm dilated. I had to get to 10. The doctor said she’d check me again in 4-hours.

4 more hours of walking in circles, grabbing onto chairs, slow dancing through the pain.

When she came back, I was 4 centimeters. Hours later, still 4.

I had all these plans for how I’d manage the pain on my own. I wrote a book for Adam to use to help. I hired a professional for tips. I bought a birthing ball. I made a labor playlist.

But I didn’t want any of that stuff.

I wanted to fight the only way I know how:

Stubbornly and in silence, all on my own.

After 24-hours, I made a decision that went against every game plan I ever had.

I got an epidural.

To surrender, I had to trust myself.

To trust myself, I had to do whatever it took to survive.

I felt like a complete and utter failure.

But failing isn’t changing plans. Failure is giving up hope, it’s giving up on yourself.

And as I laid in the bed, and shut my eyes, I remembered to surrender, to trust myself. I was almost there, so close. I would survive.

By hour 24 of labor, I was no longer in survival mode, or panic mode, I was myself again:

A fighter who never gives up. 

Without the pain, labor became a ping-pong game with no paddles. It became a circus juggling act of thoughts. 

I didn’t need birthing balls or labor positions. I didn’t need words of encouragement or background noise.

I needed mental strength. Now was the time to prove myself right.

I thought about all that I had overcome that should have destroyed me. The part of my life story I rarely share. How days would go by and I’d look at myself in the mirror and say:

How are you still standing? How did you make it through yesterday?

What we so often forget is that when the brain and the heart form an alliance what happens next makes you unstoppable.

At 37 hours of labor, the doctor said it was time to push. I was 10 cm dilated. She could see the baby’s head. 

A nurse grabbed my left leg, Adam grabbed my right. They pushed them toward me and I hunched forward. I couldn’t feel the lower half of my body. I didn’t know what I was doing but I knew I was doing something as hard as I could.

An hour and 10 minutes went by. The doctor stood up, leaned forward, and yelled at me to push one more time, as hard as I could.

And all of a sudden, before I could exhale, the doctor pulled out the baby, and put her on my chest.

A week ago today, at 9:40am, a baby with big bright blue eyes entered the world. 

In the first week of motherhood, I’ve asked myself one question, again and again:

How am I going to do this?

I don’t have an answer to that question yet but I can tell you this?

I am doing it.

Sometimes it feels like I’m slow dancing on eggshells.

Other times it feels like I’ve been doing this my entire life, like I was always ready to do this, like I have done this before.

Most days, it feels like my entire life is under some kind of magic spell.

 Like I drank some type of witch potion. 

Like my heart is slowly expanding and the empty space is filled with a special kind of love, and joy. 

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TIKTOK // SHOP // SAY HELLO

Welcome to my diary. These are entires I wrote during my own pregnancy. What you’re about to read is unfiltered, unedited, and perhaps a bit uncanny. But these are my raw feelings written in real-time. Everyone’s perspective and journey is different. This is mine.

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Dear friend,

Jen Glantz here.

I’m writing this in advance (week 40, day 5) and scheduling it to go out to you later on.

As you read this, I’m either in labor or in panic mode.

So to spare you those details, for now at least, I figured I’d write something special to you about what the final weeks of pregnancy are like.

Spoiler alert: You’ve never been more thankful for your friends and loved ones BUT you just wish they’d stop asking you if: you had the baby yet?!

Because if you didn’t, just seeing that message pop up on your phone can send a person into an angry stammer.

This part of pregnancy is all about patience - sharing more about that below.

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Some quick things I loved this week:

❤️ I’ve been writing a lot of articles for other publications too. Sharing those with you here to eyeball, if you need a little something extra.

❤️ A really awesome resource for breastfeeding that Mandy Moore even used!

❤️ Products that I fell in love with this week:

-I put together a list of items that helped me get through pregnancy. Here are general items and here’s a list of the maternity clothing I bought - that I actually loved and wore.

-Sharing more about my stroller shopping process and which one I picked here. Also super grateful for this lightweight stroller that was sent to me over the weekend. Can’t wait to try it out!

-Hello Bello sent over a care package of diapers, creams, wipes, and more. I’ll be testing them out and sharing how I feel about the brand with you soon.

**I made a bunch of detailed lists of all the things I bought for pregnancy, postpartum, and for the baby. Here’s where you can eyeball / share these lists with anyone who needs them**

❤️I’ve been spending time spilling my thoughts on TikTok. Watch some of that fun stuff right here!

What Patience is Like When You Don’t Have Any

A lesson on patience 

(from someone who does not have any)

Be 41 weeks pregnant. Go past your due date.  Listen as everyone asks you a question you couldn't possibly know the answer to:

"When will this baby show up?"

Think about rolling your eyes. Roll your words inside.

"The baby gets what the baby wants and the baby wants you to stop asking. JUST KIDDING! I love you! I just have no idea."

Find ways to pass the time.

Deep clean everything in your apartment: scrub the walls, pick out the dirt inside your headphone buds, vacuum underneath your couch cushions.

Learn a new dance on TikTok.

Walk circles around the block until you hit 10,000 steps.

Bug your account. Ask passionately to file your taxes early.

Watch videos on how to make childbirth less intense. Realize it will be more intense than anything you’ve ever experience before.

Roll loose change.

Wash your hair. Wash it again.

Replace all the hangers in your closet with new ones.

You’re passing the time because by now, you thought you'd be someone's mom. You already spent months packing up your old life, setting up for the new one.

You cleared your calendar. You RSVP'ed no to everything that requires you to put makeup on. You scheduled 57 work emails. You filmed 46 pieces of content for the internet. You wrote so many things, in case your brain temporarily fogs up too much to write..anything. 

Question your purpose in life.

What are you actually here on this planet to do?

Right now it feels like your only purpose is to have this baby.

Remember the book you wanted to write? The TV show you wanted to sell? The business you wanted to start so you could make millions of dollars?

Those feel like someone else’s dreams.

Not yours, anymore.

And without those dreams, who are you, anymore?
Everyone tells you to be patient.

You know things happen when you least expect them to.

But if you expect nothing then it just feels like you have nothing…

…going on.

And you’re the kind of person who needs something…

…going on.

Or else you wonder:

What’s the point?

Some days, you think patience is stupid excuse for watching time pass, for watching the clouds laugh as they run past you in the sky, for hoping for something when there is nothing.

Other days, you remember that patience is what creates beauty, and love, and joy, and what is meant to be.

But today, patience feels like leg jitters and a gargling stomach. It feels like forever. It feels like your only purpose right now is to learn it, because you are someone who doesn’t have any of it.

No, none of it, not at all. 

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TIKTOK // SHOP // SAY HI // MEET JEN

Welcome to my diary. These are entires I wrote during my own pregnancy. What you’re about to read is unfiltered, unedited, and perhaps a bit uncanny. But these are my raw feelings written in real-time. Everyone’s perspective and journey is different. This is mine.

Subscribe now

Dear friend,

Jen Glantz here.

Last week, I welcomed in week 40 of pregnancy. I watched the baby’s due date go by. I entertained daily “when is this baby coming” questions from family and friends.

It all got me thinking:

I really don’t know if I can actually do this.

More on that “back out” strategy below.

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Some quick things I loved this week:

❤️ My mom sent me this article on setting boundaries when the baby arrives. It’s something I hope I’m able to do.

❤️ Products that I fell in love with this week:

-I put together a list of items that helped me get through pregnancy. Here are general items and here’s a list of the maternity clothing I bought - that I actually loved and wore.

-This cream was a lifesaver during pregnancy. I put it on my belly every night and the smell is amazing.

-In case I need formula as a back-up, this is the brand I bought to have handy.

-This swing from 4Moms is the baby item I can’t wait to use when the baby arrives. It’s all set up and ready to go!

**I made a bunch of detailed lists of all the things I bought for pregnancy, postpartum, and for the baby. Here’s where you can eyeball / share these lists with anyone who needs them**

❤️I wrote an article for TLC about why I kept my pregnancy a secret for so long.

❤️I’ve been spending time spilling my thoughts on TikTok. Watch some of that fun stuff right here!

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There’s No Backing Out

Adam tells me there’s no backing out now.

And when he says those words, I take a mental trip to the last time in my life I ran for the exit doors, pushed them open, and got out of a situation that made my skin rattle with fear.

It was 7-years-ago. I was at Universal Studios with an old friend. She wanted to ride this upside down rollercoaster but I’m scared of rollercoasters, especially ones that loop you around. But I agreed to go, because I figured in the 2-hours it took us to wait for our turn on the ride, I’d find bravery.

When we made it to the front of the line, my friend sat down in her seat and they strapped her in.

It was my turn. It was go-time.

My cheeks became dewy. I CAN’T DO THIS!

“You can’t back out! I’m already strapped in. Just sit down!”

But before I could say sorry and explain myself, I turned my back, located the exit, and ran away.

Months later, that friend stopped speaking to me. I don’t think it was because I backed out of the ride, but maybe that was part of it.

I’m good at saying yes to things that scare me. Most of the time, I show up, ride it out, and get through it.

That was the last time, in a long time, I just couldn’t.

When Adam says:

It’s too late to back out now.

I feel myself sitting down on the ride, having some stranger strap me in, feeling cold air blow across my face as the cart starts to move down the tracks, and I wonder how my body will survive being tossed around like it’s one of those inflatable tubes you see outside of car dealerships.

I can’t get off this ride. I can’t hunt for an exit. I can’t climb down the stairs.

As much as I’m scared, as anxious as I feel, there is no backing out.

When the time comes, I have to exhale, I have to give in, I have to get through this.

And I will, it’s just I feel like I’m back at the front of the line for that ride, and my eyes are looking for a way out, but my heart is telling me that I don’t need to find one.

Not this time, at least.

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TIKTOK // SHOP // SAY HI // MEET JEN

Welcome to my diary. These are entires I wrote during my own pregnancy. What you’re about to read is unfiltered, unedited, and perhaps a bit uncanny. But these are my raw feelings written in real-time. Everyone’s perspective and journey is different. This is mine.

Subscribe now

Dear friend,

Jen Glantz here. Yes, I am still pregnant. It’s the number one thing people ask me, these days. Friends I haven’t spoken to in years, people on social media, my own parents.

They call, they text, they slide into my DMs and ask me: no baby?

And when I say: no baby.

They write back: well, when is it coming?

And I just want to say: NOBODY KNOWS, JOE!

But instead, I serve them this 🤷‍♀️ emoji, and toss my phone to the other side of the bed.

My doctor told me there’s no reason to stress about this. Some babies come early. Some don’t. It does not mean there’s something wrong with you or the baby.

It also doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with the people in my life.

I know that. They are excited! But their excitement is starting to stress.me.out.

So I’m going to try to spend less time with my phone attached to me this week and more time cruising around my apartment and reminding this baby to come out when she’s ready and not when 100,000 social media followers and newsletter subscribers hoped she would.

Ps. Know someone who would enjoy reading this?

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Some quick things I loved this week:

❤️ Remembering some of the best advice I was given during pregnancy. When I was stressing about all the baby stuff I needed to buy, a friend told me to make the process easier. She said go on Amazon, search top-rated products and buy the best-selling item in each category. Some items, like a diaper pail or towels for the baby, don’t need hours of research and shouldn’t give you a headache.

I’m not taking a maternity leave because I don’t get one. As a solopreneur, it’s not something I planned for. I don’t feel guilty about that. I do feel stressed. A friend sent me this article and I really love it.

❤️ Products that I fell in love with this week:

-I put together a list of items that helped me get through pregnancy. Here are general items and here’s a list of the maternity clothing I bought - that I actually loved and wore.

-We finally set up the baby’s mini crib this weekend (video here) from Nestig. I picked this one because it’s a 3-in-1 crib, so when the baby grows, the crib expands into a full-size crib and a toddler bed. I honestly thought there would never be a crib in this world that would fit inside our 550 square foot apartment, but this one fits in the corner of our room so perfectly.

-I’ve never taken vitamins in my life before getting pregnant and then I started taking these prenatals. They are vegan and I love them. I’ll miss them. If you have any good postnatal vegan vitamins you recommend, let me know!

**I made a bunch of detailed lists of all the things I bought for pregnancy, postpartum, and for the baby. Here’s where you can eyeball / share these lists with anyone who needs them**

❤️I wrote an article for Insider all about how I didn’t spend a lot of money on maternity clothes. Read it here.

❤️I’ve been spending time spilling my thoughts on TikTok. Watch some of that fun stuff right here!

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Go Ahead, Ask the Baby. Stop Asking Me.

Every Monday, I tell myself that this the Monday I’m going to mix up magic potions and walk thousands of steps and eat all the spicy things in my house to try to get the baby to come out.

But every Monday, I freak out.

I’ll start this stuff next week. But then next week turns into week 38, then 39, now 40.

I crawled into my doctor’s appointment last week with my head down. I felt ashamed.

I’m still pregnant. I confessed to her, like she didn’t already know. I’m sorry the baby hasn’t come yet.

The thing about good OB/GYNs is that they’ve heard it all, they’ve seen it all, and they know exactly the gobbledygook kind of stuff that goes through a pregnant women’s brain when the hormones are jiving and the emotions are showing their teeth.

Why are we stressing? She simply said. There’s no reason. You’re not even 40 weeks yet. The baby has time. The baby will come out when the baby wants to come out.

But what about the people on social media telling me it’s go-time? What about my parents who bet the baby was going to come out in mid-February? What about my friends who are calling and texting and wondering if I’m not answering because I’m in labor?

WHAT ABOUT THEM?

Everyone in your life is always going to pressure you to do something, be something, rush something. They don’t always mean to. But they do. I wish someone told me to get better at learning how to ignore people.

So I think this is the week I will do all the magic potions. But only if I feel ready to try some things to perhaps kickstart labor. If I don’t, I won’t. This baby will come, soon, eventually.

I’m not predicting a due date. I’m not going to feel pressure when her due date passes.

I’m going to enjoy my last few moments of being pregnant, of our secret love language kicks, of having to pee every five seconds and knowing that I have to pee every five seconds because she’s moving lower and lower in my body. I’m going to enjoy deep cleaning my house because nesting is a funny part of pregnancy. And I’m going to enjoy these moments when I thought being a mom was the most impossible and scary thing in the world, because it probably will be, for a little bit, but it will be so many other things too, for a lot longer, I suppose.

I hope to be in your inbox again next week. If I’m not, it will be obvious why. But I promise to be in there again soon, when I figure out how to be a brand new mom, and get a free couple of minutes, and a free hand, to write to you.

Until then, I love you, I mean it, I’ll let you know when she’s here, I promise you that.

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TIKTOK // SHOP // SAY HELLO

Welcome to my diary. These are entires I wrote during my own pregnancy. What you’re about to read is unfiltered, unedited, and perhaps a bit uncanny. But these are my raw feelings written in real-time. Everyone’s perspective and journey is different. This is mine.

Subscribe now

Dear friend,

Jen Glantz here. I’m in a really weird place right now. It feels my entire life is playing out inside the waiting room at the DMV. I can go into labor at any second. I can also not. My water could break before i’m done writing this. It could also not.

I’m scared to walk too much. I’m scared to eat spicy foods. I’m scared to bounce on my pregnancy ball because what if….I go into labor?

During my first visit with the doctor at 8-weeks, she did an ultrasound and told me that yes, there is a baby in there. We talked, and talked, and talked, and before she showed us the door, she asked if we had any questions.

“It’s not a question,” I started. “I’m just scared of giving birth.”

She laughed.

“Well, that’s sort of the end game, isn’t it?”

She told me we’d figure it all out when the time came. But the time is now. And well, there’s not much I can really figure out except that at any second, in the next few days, I could into labor.

Until then, it feels like I’m sitting on a plastic chair, in a waiting room, at the DMV, waiting for them to call my number.

My hands are sweaty and I can’t stop bouncing my legs.

I could use a few more days, or years.

But the time is up.

So I’ll sit here and wait for someone to scream:

NEXT!

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Some quick things I loved this week:

❤️ I’m truly so grateful for all the love that I’ve received from people who I hardly know or who I haven’t spoken to in years. Sharing my pregnancy journey wasn’t easy. It took me 8-months to share the news with 90% of the people in my life. I’m beyond thankful every time someone emails or messages me a comment, their own story, or even a piece of advice. It feels good not to feel so alone. So, thank you.

❤️ Products that I fell in love with this week:

Nestig 3-in-1 crib. It’s perfect, right now, for our small space and it can expand and grow with us and the baby overtime. So well made! Only downside is it took a few months for it to arrive.

4Moms Swing. I can’t wait for the baby to try this out. In the meantime, Adam and I had fun with it. Watch that here.

Frida Mom Postpartum Kit. A friend got me this as a gift and I really feel like it’ll be an awesome thing to have when I get home from the hospital.

❤️A few weeks ago, I did a maternity photoshoot which is so hypocritical of me. I swore I’d never do one. I told friends I thought they were cheesy. But at week 37 of being pregnant, I felt this urge to capture the moment, to capture my body, to capture the emotions I was feeling during it all. I’m so glad I did. Sharing the photos right here.

❤️Early on in my pregnancy journey, I decided I didn’t want a baby shower or a registry or a pile of gifts. BUT there was one thing I wanted and that’s what I asked my friends and family for. Here’s what it was and why I thought it would be the perfect gift for someone like me…someone SO scared to be a mom.

❤️I’ve been spending time spilling my thoughts on TikTok. Watch some of that fun stuff right here!

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This baby knows so much about me already.

For the past 9-months, she’s learned my deepest, darkest, secrets. She’s tagged along with me, everywhere, every second of the day.

She was there with me when I filmed Access Hollywood in September, went to Montana in October, California in November, Florida in December.

She’s tuned into Zoom calls where I sit up straight, slap on lipstick, and try to prove to some stranger why I’m worth their time, and their money.

She’s eavesdropped on phone calls with friends, and questioned the humor of overshared inside jokes that invade her tummy space with pings of laughter.

She held on tightly when I went to the hospital, after falling on my stomach, after fearing I hurt her in a way I never wanted to.

She knows how stubborn I am, except for when I get goo-goo eyes for a person. How I slowly back down, step away, give in, when I love them.

Nobody knows me as well as she does. And soon, she’ll see me.

It’s like meeting a pen pal for the first time.

And I know she knows i’m scared, but when she sees me, I want her to know that I’m also so happy. I want her, more than anything, to be foolishly happy.

Just like I was.

Just like sometimes, after all I’ve survived, I can still be.

And so I’ve promised myself that when I find out she’s on her way, I will match every moment of fear with a moment of love and joy because that’s what I want her to feel when she looks into my eyes, when I see my baby, and when she sees me, for the first time, after a long time, of getting to know each other, with our eyes closed.

Just love, and joy.

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Welcome to my diary. These are entires I wrote during my own pregnancy. What you’re about to read is unfiltered, unedited, and perhaps a bit uncanny. But these are my raw feelings written in real-time. Everyone’s perspective and journey is different. This is mine.

Subscribe now

Dear friend,

Jen Glantz here. I’m 38-weeks pregnant and this morning I woke up at 5am and felt something drop inside of my stomach. I imagined boxes falling down my uterus. I thought about the time I went to Disney and rode the Tower of Terror. It felt a lot like the finale of the ride. I laid in bed silent. Is the baby coming today? Okay, if the baby comes today, can I actually do this? Wait, I’ll need to do this. But before I was able to solve the riddles in my head, the feeling stopped. I got up. I felt completely normal.

I’m guessing this is how week 38 will feel. I’ll have many moments like this. I’ll have many odd bounces and jolts in my stomach. I’ll question, constantly, if my water is about to break or if I just need to let out one giant pee. Because the truth is, I don’t know how any of this is supposed to feel, so when I feel anything, it feels like everything, and when it turns out to be nothing, I just think:

Test runs. I love a good test run.

Some quick things I loved this week:

❤️ I don’t think people really talk about this but in addition to your body changing during pregnancy, your mind does too. I’m officially out of the weeks of pure panic and into the weeks of, “Okay, let’s do this.” Don’t get me wrong, I’m still scared out of my mind, but it’s less of a panic scared and more of a jump up and down scared.

❤️I asked friends to share their favorite postpartum recovery clothing and nursing bras. Everyone mentioned the same brand, over and over again, so I bought a box of stuff and loved it all. I filmed a try-on haul here. Everything is super soft, fits great (I sized up because I love comfort), and makes me happy to put on - which will matter during a time when I imagine my body will be a wreck. You can check them out here!

❤️Because I feel both happy and scared this week, I am reminding myself that when you feel conflicting emotions in life, at the same time, it’s a sign that you’re so freaking alive. So much so that you start to really widen your eyes and appreciate the tiny things in life. I’m so aware of everything right now. And I adore that feeling.

❤️I’ve been spending time spilling my thoughts on TikTok. Watch some of that fun stuff right here!

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I can't stop asking everyone to answer this question:

Will I be okay?

The receptionist at the dentist's office tells me: yes, of course.
The sales associate at Madewell says: I really do think so.
The ice cream scooper at Oddfellows doesn't say anything. He just adds another scoop of sprinkles to my vanilla cone and doesn't charge me a penny for any of it.

But when I ask Adam, his response is in his eyes.

"Yes!" He'll say, because he has to. Because if he said no, he knows I'd put on a one-woman Broadway show of emotions and dance moves that would just never end.

So he says yes in the way you say maybe, or I hope so, or what kind of questions is this, Jen?

I ask the question a lot, mostly after interrupting a good moment we're having to proclaim it as our last:

"Do you realize this could be our LAST Sunday together...just us?"
"Do you think this will be the LAST time we laugh this hard?"
"Do you think we'll ever get to sit here and eat pizza like this?"

And after we've both accepted that yes, this might be the last day, last hour, the last few minutes that we live life this way, forever, I hit him with the question of:

"Will we be okay?"

And the truth is, it's not like I need strangers to tell me that I will be, and it's not like I need my best friend to tell me that either, and even though I try to study Adam's body language to look for any clues that he's lying when he blurts out: YES!

I'm not looking for him to tell me that either.

It's taken me weeks to be able to say this, months to be able to feel this, and even after I admit this to you, I might have a moment where I try to hit the edit button, where my fear begs me to take it all back:

But I know the answer is yes and the only person I really need to hear it from is:

Myself.

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Welcome to my diary. These are entires I wrote during my own pregnancy. What you’re about to read is unfiltered, unedited, and perhaps a bit uncanny. But these are my raw feelings written in real-time. Everyone’s perspective and journey is different. This is mine.

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Dear Friend,

I finally figured it out.

When we’re faced with humongous things in life, we listen to how other people tell us we must handle it:
-Stay positive
-Be more chill
-Don’t be so scared
-It won’t be that bad
-Know it will all work out

Shhhhh. Let me be, me.

We walk inside our own patterns. Mine are squiggly lines.

Whenever I face something that seems impossible, I do this:
-Panic
-Obsess over every single detail
-Intensely overthink how everything could go wrong
-Plan for the best and triple plan for the worst
-Cry
-Laugh
-Give into an urge to talk about it constantly, especially to the wall
-Doubt I’ll ever survive it, I’ll ever get through any of it

I was talking to my friend about running, how when I used to prepare for long long runs, I couldn’t sleep the night before. I sweat through my sheets. I thought about the ways I’d probably give up halfway through, how disappointed I’d be, how I’d have to console myself, just to continue to be myself, afterward.

But then I’d wake up, lace up my shoes, and go.

I never give up. I always pull through. I have faced the kind of stuff in life that should ruined me, it didn’t, I came back a stronger and better person.

I know who I am. I know what I’ve done. I know what I’m capable of.

Is having a baby scary to me? Yes. Is giving birth an unimaginable fear of mine? Absolutely. Have I handled this all in the way you think I should have? No.

I’ve handled it like Jen Glantz does, like she always does.

I’m proud. I’m resilient. I’m a fierce fighter with a courageous heart and a brave right hook.

This baby might come today, or next week, or in a month.

I’m ready.

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Welcome to my diary. These are entires I wrote during my own pregnancy. What you’re about to read is unfiltered, unedited, and perhaps a bit uncanny. But these are my raw feelings written in real-time. Everyone’s perspective and journey is different. This is mine.

Subscribe now

Dear friend,

Jen here. I’m 36-weeks pregnant. Braxton hicks contractions are making me jolty. I’ve had so much pizza this week that the baby is probably wondering if all there is on earth is pizza. No, baby. But that’s one of the best parts of earth.

I can’t wait to tell you about a powerful conversation I had this week. My friend shared the contact information of her doula. We did a phone session that was all around comfort birthing (details below).

I also write this about the three types of breaths she taught me to practice now for labor.

Some quick things I loved this week:

Everyone told me to buy this night light. So I bought the night light.

I got this outfit for post-labor days.

This song. Oh, I need a labor playlist. Help!!!

Ps. I made a TikTok for Scared to Be a Mom.

-Jen Glantz (still kind of scared to be a mom)

I'm 36-weeks pregnant and every single time I think I'm going to be okay, that I'll get through all of this stuff, my mind throws a temper tantrum.

One half of me believes that I can get through anything. I have survived horrible things before.

But the other part of me, pounds and pushes forward, as if to say:

Not this though.

A friend hands me a business card of a woman who helped her when she was pregnant.

Give her a call. Talk to her. What do you have to lose?

I have already lost so much. My sense of self, control of my thoughts, any sense of comfort about what is going to happen to me in just a matter of days.

So I pick up the phone and tell this woman the facts:

I'm Jen Glantz. I'm 36-weeks pregnant. And I'm really scared. 

Scared? She says. Yes, but what else?

Feelings come in pairs. They surround themselves with company.

We cling to one emotion. We don't stick our hand out and introduce ourselves to all the other parts of our heart that we've brought to our very own pity party. 

Hopeful. Nervous. Curious. Anxious. Proud....I am really proud of myself.  

She tells me I need these things called affirmations. I need to start saying things like:

I can get through birth calmy and comfortably.

I am meant to give birth and I can do this.

But what if I don’t believe those things? What if I don’t believe I will be okay? What if I live my life married to the constant idea of what if….

Let me ask you this. She settles into my negativity. Has there ever been a time where things didn’t happen as you planned or hoped?

Yes.

And did you find a way to survive? Did you get through it?

Yes.

So fine. Don’t say those words. But please, find words that you can say to yourself that you believe.

I think about the last 34-years of my life. The invisible dragons I have fought. The fire I have swallowed. The curses I have broken.

I don’t let myself down.

I accomplish anything I set my mind to.

I do not give up.

I am tough. I am strong. I am unbreakable.

I get through impossible moments. I always feel stronger.

Before I go, she tells me something I need to hear:

Everything you feel, she feels.

I don’t want my baby to feel scared. I don’t want her to know that her mom is stumbling through the days. I don’t want her to question whether or not I love her.

I want her to know that I am somebody who is strong, resilient, powerful, brave.

If I want her to know this, I must say this. I must feel this. I must do this. I must believe this.

And I do.

Hear that mental temper tantrums? I am tougher than you. I will win.

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